Trying to write a blog post after six months of not writing anything at all feels like when you’re sitting around a table with people you don’t know terribly well and the conversation’s going too fast for you to keep up. You rack your brain for something relevant to add, and you finally think of something at least semi-clever.
But as you start to say it, you doubt whether it’s really clever enough, or whether anyone is really interested in hearing what you have to say. Probably you’ll say it so softly that no one will hear it anyway, so what’s the point? Just keep it in your head, it’s fine. Later, the same thing happens again, and you determine that you will say something this time.
But the conversation changes so quickly that your contribution wouldn’t be relevant anymore, and you think, “is it too late to say it anyway?” Yes, your brain is screaming at you. You took too long to say that thing, so now you better just hush.
Sometimes you get up your nerve and just say something, anything, so you’ll have practiced adding to the conversation. There’s usually an awkward pause, as everyone (including you) tries to remember what that had to do with anything.
If you’ve read this blog at all in the past, you know that it has rarely had to do with anything other than what Jo has been thinking about or pondering or worrying about. It’s been a self-prescribed therapy for a bad case of anxiety I caught sophomore year of college. Blogging has been an outlet for me.
It’s also been practice writing, and more often than not, I have seriously doubted the quality of posts I have published. Nothing’s changed these past six months as that goes.
But I love life just now. Life is sweet and simple and good. God is gracious. Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord, and He is so kind to me, though I don’t deserve it. I’ve been married to JW for almost five months, and he, too, is kind and good and gracious with me.
For now, we’ve settled in a familiar town (the town where I grew up), but it’s also unfamiliar because this time around I am, technically, grown up. Still, I can’t keep myself from saying “Mr.” and “Mrs.” So-and-So.
We have two sweet dogs that alternate between sleeping on and chewing up the welcome mat on the porch. We are all of us settling in. So it’s time to start writing again.
I’ve thought of ending this particular blog since it seems to have served its purpose as college anxiety therapy. It would be nice to end it properly instead of trailing off for six months, then seven, then eight. I love a good ending to a story.
If you’ve been reading me for the last couple of years, I’m grateful.