Some dualism for your Saturday morning. Thanks for reading, even when it’s something as silly as the following post.
[Alarm rings pleasantly, designed to mimic birdsong]
Jo’s Mind: Hey, it’s morning! Hey, Good Morning, Jo’s Body! Time to get up and get going with our day.
Jo’s Body: Mmmmff.
Mind: Come on, now. Just heave your self over, out of the bed.
Body: Just five more min-
Mind: NO. Every time I give you five minutes, they turn into thirty. Just get up. No questions.
[Jo gets up and looks out the window]
Mind: Man, what a beautiful day. And just think–it’s Saturday! We can do whatever we want.
Mind: Hey, I know what we should do! We should go workout!
Body: What?! What happened to doing what we wanted?
Mind: I’d like to workout, wouldn’t you?
Body: No, are you crazy? We don’t workout. We aren’t that kind of person.
Mind: Ok, but I’d like to be. Let’s go try it, huh? Yeah? Yeah?
Body: uuuuuuuughhh. We tried this last year. Like twice. I ended up hating you for weeks afterward.
Mind: Oh, come on! Maybe it’ll be different this time. Now get dressed fast, ok, before I think too hard about this.
[ROOMMATE passes by]
Roommate: Hey Jo, what’re you up to today?
Jo: (rather proudly) I’m going to go workout today.
Roommate: (attempts to hide skepticism) Oh! Well, I hope you have a good time working out.
Body: See? This is ridiculous.
Mind: It’s for your own sake, ok? Let’s just go.
[Jo gets to the workout room. SOMEONE ELSE is already there lifting weights. MIND and BODY hesitate.]
Mind: Ummmm, I guess we’ll just, you know, go in, even though someone else is in there.
[Jo starts the treadmill; begins walking]
Mind: This seems slow.
Body: Well, I think this feels great.
Mind: Ok, fine. I’m gonna read, then.
[Thirty minutes later, the exercise program slows, stops]
Body: Hey, that was good. Good job, Jo!
Mind: (raises figurative eyebrow) Um, I don’t think that was enough. Let’s try just a little more. Come on, back on the machine.
Body: (drags herself back toward the treadmill) Why do I listen to you?
[KID FROM SPANISH CLASS enters workout room, takes adjacent treadmill]
Mind: (whispering) Hey–hey, look. It’s that kid from Spanish class who always knows the answers and makes us feel inferior by comparison.
Body: (somewhat out of breath) Oh. Okay.
Mind: Hey, I have an idea. We should outlast her on here. That’d show her.
Body: ARE YOU NUTS??? We can’t do that!
[GFSC begins running twice the speed of Jo’s jogging]
Mind: Ok, maybe you’re right. She kinda looks like she’s used to this. Here’s what we do. Keep jogging for at least a mile, ok? That will at least look like we aren’t a wimp.
Body: (breathing harder)…
[Five minutes later]
Body: Need to stop. Let’s stop.
Mind: No! We have to get to a mile. In the meantime we’ll play a game, okay? We’ll play, “Imagine how many people are walking by this room, seeing Jo’s increasingly red face.”
Body: I don’t like that game.
Mind: yeah, neither do I. Okay, how about this. If we can make it to ten minutes at this pace and incline, we can stop.
[Three minutes later]
Mind: 1 Corinthians 9:27! 1 Corinthians 9:27! Let’s go!
Body: (gasping) What the heck. You can’t just rip that out of con-
Mind: Hey. If it’s applicable, we use it.
[Approximately 57 seconds later]
Body: I’m done, okay?
[Jo slows the machine, gets off to stretch]
Mind: Wow, good job. I mean, we kinda stink in comparison to the kid from Spanish class, but hey, aren’t you glad we made the effort?
Body: I hate you.